Fear and Loathing In The Diaper Pail

Well, I did it. I called and told the sitter that Liam wouldn’t be coming anymore. She sounded surprised, but she took it well.

It was certainly awkward. But I was super nice about it. Told her I’d been thinking about it and trying to get cool with the idea and I just couldn’t and how it was just a thing with me and how I respected her household decision to have one, how I liked her and I liked her kids, blah blah blah. Essentially I gave her the ol’ “It’s not you, it’s me.” To the point that, by the time I got off the phone, I was practically convinced that it was, in fact, not her, but me. I felt bad!

But why? Why should I feel bad about this? Why am I concerned with her feelings and whether she thinks I’m a bitch? Christ, I am such a fucking SAP. I have to remind myself that she lied to me and feeds my kid crap and lets him watch crap and obviously doesnt care what I think about HER. I also have to remind myself that this is a business arrangement and I owe her nothing but a check.

I’m going to waffle on this, so it’s good I’m writing this down, so I can come back and look at it to remind myself that I made the right decision.

See why I have no business in business? I think thats why I may enroll in culinary school.

Sigh. I had to make a hard decision this weekend.

Thursday afternoon, as I was picking up Liam from the sitter’s, we got to talking the recent power outages and emergency kits for the house. I told her I just not put together a little Rubbermaid container of a few necessities. Batteries, paper towels, Purell, a first-aid kit, TP, bar soap, that sort of thing. Just in case the power is out for a couple of days. Then she launches in to her emergency kit. These people are ready for the Revolution. She told me she has a week’s worth of food and water for her whole family. A week’s worth of feminine hygiene products, diapers, bug spray, cooking supplies. And then she told me they have a gun.

Now, I understand that people have guns. They’re legal. I also understand that there are probably more people with guns in their homes than I realize or want to think about. But the thing is, we don’t have one. And I don’t want one. I don’t believe in guns. Whatever your household decision is about having a gun, MY PERSONAL decision is that I do not want one on my property and that they are accidents waiting to happen. I dont care if it’s locked up. Your baby may not be able to find the keys and get the gun. But your teenager can.

My other personal decision is that I dont want Liam spending any amount of regular time in a home with a gun. ESPECIALLY since it’s not my home and I have no control over what goes on there when I’m not around.  I don’t think this is unreasonable as a parent.

My main sticking point with our babysitter having a gun is that in our initial interview, she told me, in no uncertain terms, that there was no gun. I didn’t even ask. She volunteered, “We don’t own a gun.” And I will swear on a stack of holy Bibles on my mother’s grave that those were her exact words.

So she slips up and tells me there’s a gun. I’m stunned. I manage to spit out, “This thing is locked up, right?” and immediately she starts Ass Covering Phase One. “Oh GOD, yes! It’s locked up and hidden and the safety’s on and the ammunition is locked up and hidden somewhere else! Even if someone broke in, we wouldnt be able to get to it in time. I don’t tell clients about it because it’s such a nonissue.”

Bingo.

Liar, liar, pants on fucking fire. It’s not that she doesnt tell people because it’s a nonissue. She doesnt tell people because it’s a HUGE issue and a possible deal-breaker for parents. Which it is for me. So after thinking about it all weekend and discussing it with Adam, I’ve decided to stop taking Liam for his twice-weekly session.

The gun issue bothers me. Like I said, if other people have one, fine. But my kid doesnt stay there for any length of time. Furthermore, her family situation includes a teenaged stepson who is in and out on occasion and THREE ex-spouses (two ex-wives and an ex-husband). So there are tensions and child-custody issues. Not to mention her other charges, some of whom are custody issues themselves. I dont know these parents. I dont know their situations. I dont WANT to know their situations.

But what bothers me even more than the gun thing is the lying thing. She just straight-up LIED to me about it. So now I dont trust her. I dont trust her with my baby and that’s the main thing. In all probability, Liam is not going to get shot at the babysitter’s. But she’s a liar. And I dont know what else she lies to me about. I get the feeling every once in awhile that she isnt being completely honest with me on different little things, that I let slide, because they arent a big deal. For instance, she claims he said, “I want my mommy,” the other day, clear as a bell. No he didnt. Liam doesnt say ANYTHING clear as a bell and he doesnt call me mommy and he sure as shit doesnt speak in complete sentences. Why would she tell me that? Is that supposed to make me feel guilty for leaving him there? Or secretly glad he misses me? It’s fucking sick to tell a mother that when it’s not true.

There are other things that I’ve overlooked over the past nine months he’s been visiting there, such as her claim that he kids eat healthy food and don’t watch TV. But whenever Liam is there, he’s eating Cocoa Puffs, donuts, licorice (!) and juice and watching The Wiggles nonstop. For the past three visits, Liam has watched the same Wiggles video for his entire four-hour visit. TWELVE HOURS of the Wiggles. And I ask her, “Why dont you turn it off?” And she says it upsets him and she doesnt want to make things hard on him. You know what? If he bitches about it, GIVE HIM A TOY AND DIVERT HIS ATTENTION ELSEWHERE. She doesnt leave it on because its easier on him. She leaves it on because its easier on HER. This way he’ll just sit still for the whole time and its one less kid for her to deal with.

Another time, I came to pick him up and his romper was SOAKED with apple juice. I have no idea why. He has an extra set of clothes there and it was 90 degrees out, so he could have just run around in a diaper. Why would she let him be soaking in juice? Why is he drinking juice at all? I dont feed him juice. If I want him to have fruit, he gets … FRUIT.

It’s just shit like that that isnt the end of the world, but bit by bit, it all adds up and then her lying to me about having a gun was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. So now I have to call her and tell her. I’m not going to call her out on the lying. It wont do any good. But I still dont want to have the “Babysitter Breakup” conversation.

So I’ll let you know how it goes.

Finally, finally we have electricity.

Around 7:15 this morning, Liam and I drove by to see if we’d gotten power. We hadn’t. It was 85 degrees inside the house. I went across the street and griped at my neighbor who was milling about. He has had power for two days now and didnt lose it until the second storm. I’m just frustrated and hot and beginning to think the power company made an effort to restore power to, let us say, more economically advantageous areas.

Later in the morning, I took Liam to the sitter and went back to the house. As I was coming up on my street, I saw four out-of-town electric company trucks pulling out. “Could it be?” I thought, not wanting to get my hopes up. I turned onto my street and as I approached my neighbor’s house, I saw that his porch light was on.

And lo, the heavens opened and the angels sang in their multitudes, HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! And there was much rejoicing.

I’m so glad this is over. I spent the time Liam was at the sitter’s moving out of my mom’s, tidying up her place, replacing the coffee and beer we drank, turning on our air, disinfecting and de-stinking our fridge, that sort of thing. It was hotter than blue blazes in the house and the basement smells oddly of pee. No one I know of has peed in our basement. I wonder if it’s mildew. That’s all I need. So I guess we’ll spend the next few days spraying Lysol.

I picked Liam up and he was more than happy to see me. The sitter said he refused to leave the main playroom and would cry when the Wiggles video she would show was over. He refused to eat lunch, refused to nap and refused to poop. My poor pumpkin.

This has all been really tough on him. Everything is different. We’ve been staying ina  different house, he’s been in a different bed, the daily routine is all messed up, he’s been dragged all over town in 100-degree heat. He has eczema already and developed a viral rash that caused blisters on his hands and feet. The bug, the eczema, the heat, humidity and stress just took their toll on my little guy. His butt is still in a shambles. He’s never had such a rash. we try different things every few diapers, but what he really needs is to have his butt spend some time in the free air. Which of course is not really an option.

So he went neurotic at the sitters, but as soon as I got him home, he ate two vienna sausages, I stripped him down, changes him into a freshly powdered dipe and he’s been passed out in his own bed ever since. I’m going to let him sleep until 5.

Anyway, as promised here are our storm photos. Enjoy!

View of the backyard/neighbor’s yard during storm.

Wind blew the light off my solar lights, leaving the stump!

Patio.

Patio, my new tree and a big old branch.

Branch on my driveway.

Well, we’re still at my mom’s. I went to our house today and the power is still out, but I saw an Ameren truck turning right by our house and park nearby. But when I came back a couple hours later, we still didnt have power, so I guess they just wanted to enjoy the beautiful view.

The news says most everyone will have power today and things should wrap up tomorrow. Care to make a little wager? I’m willing to bet that my home is in the dark on Thursday.

Liam’s at the sitter’s right now. He could use a little normalcy and I could use a nap. He was VERY clingy though. Even the Wiggles couldnt get him off my lap. Eventually I had to just hand him over while the sitter whisked him off for snacks. I left while he was hollering.

I wonder if I spelled “aught” wrong. Oh well. Who cares?

Well, this is the first time I’ve had access to a computer since Wednesday afternoon. So I guess I will record here our storm experience for all posterity. And anyone who’s interested.

 Wednesday: The First Storm

Wednesday was a regular day. Sunny and hot. The 5 pm news said there was a little bit of rain northeast of here, heading toward Chicago. I grilled hamburgers for dinner and then gave Liam his bath. By the time I took him out of the bath, the skies were starting to darken. Adam said he’d go out and fold up the patio umbrella in case it rained. “OK,” I said. I started doing the usual post-bath diapering, lotioning, tooth-brushing routine. That’s when I looked out Liam’s window and saw the trees bending over in the wind and leaves and small branches flying about. I looked out his bedroom door, where you can see out the kitchen windows and the patio umbrella was smack up against them.

“Oh CRAP! Adam’s out there!” I thought. I threw up the side rail of Liam’s crib and left him screaming. As I ran through the dining room, I looked out and saw our lawn chairs flying into the middle of the lawn. I got outside and Adam was running around trying to collect them. The sky was black and there was that loud, oncoming train sound in the air you hear in a tornado. The umbrella was broken in several places. One of my plumeria pots had overturned and broke off a branch. The glass-topped patio table had blown upside down and was across the patio, yet no glass was broken. We scrambled around, throwing everything that wasnt nailed down into the garage and then ran inside. By then the power was out and Liam was hollering in the dark.

We headed to the basement and realized we are NOT prepared for a tornado. So Adam and I took turns running upstairs scavenging for candles, matches, flashlights, batteries and a radio. The storm was flying around outside and making that haunty whoooooooooo sound through the cracks in the windowsills. Note to self: We need better windows.

We finally set up camp downstairs and convinced Liam it was really fun to be in a dark basement by giving him his own flashlight and saying, “Woo hoo! Isnt this exciting? Wow! Let’s play!” He wasnt buying it at first, but soon succumbed to the temptation of the Mini Mag Lite.

So we sat down there and listened to KMOX for news and heard about how the poor people at Busch Stadium were practically being swept away and how a huge piece of Plexiglas fell out of a press box and onto the people below.

I went upstairs to see how the storm was coming along. It was just raining now and it even looked like the clouds were breaking up in places. So I called downstairs, “Looks like we can come up now!” No sooner had the words come out of my mouth and the tornado sirens started. “OK, maybe not,” I said, and went back downstairs.

Finally we were able to come back upstairs and passed a very humid and uncomfortable night in our room with Liam in the playpen, not sleeping. It was exhausting.

 Thursday: The Heat

The next day was unholy. Record highs. Temperatures in the high 90s with a heat index of 120. As those in Boston might say, “Re-tahded haht.” I packed up the contents of my freezer and we headed for my dad’s house in Illinois, where I stashed my food in his deep freeze. We hung out there for a few hours, had lunch and then made our way to Edwardsville, where we spent the afternoon at my brother and sister-in-law’s house. We finally got Liam to nap there and Adam and I ran out to buy one of the few remaining coolers in the St. Louis metropolitan area. We also bought a few bags of ice and a little bit of food. When Liam woke up, we headed back home. We saw a lot of lines at the gas stations.

This time, out house was too horrible to sleep in. It was 90 degrees INSIDE the house.  The basement was much, much cooler. The difference was amazing. As you went down the steps, you would get a very welcome blast of cold air. As you came up the steps, as soon as you reached floor-level, you were immediately smacked with a wall of heat and humidity.

Dealing with Liam was awful. If we were downstairs, it was dark, there wasnt much to do, and he’d run into things and trip and fall and cry. If you were upstairs he was understandably hot and he’d cling to you and whine and fall down some more and cry some more. Of course you are hot and cranky too. There was no way to win.

Finally we put him to bed in the basement. I was completely exhausted, sweaty and beat. I took a shower, dragged my stuff to the basement and spent a delightfully cool night on the basement floor. I was asleep by 8:30 p.m. and slept like a rock.

FRIDAY: The Big Tease

The next morning, I woke up at 5:45 a.m. and headed upstairs. I’d forgotten how hot it still was. The blast of hot as I came up the steps reminded me.

I heard the sound of some kind of motor outside. “Maybe that’s Ameren! Maybe we’ll be back up soon!” I thought. But no, it was our total jackass neighbor behind us who had gotten a generator in the night somehow. This generator was to become the bane of my existence and the existence of everyone within earshot. Which is a lot of people because it’s ridiculously loud.

Anyway, Adam was going to go to work this day and I didnt know what to do with Liam. It was gloomy out, so there wasnt a lot of light in the house, and it was still hot. I thought I would just take him to different shopping malls and let him run around in those little play areas they have. The prospect of lugging him around all day, getting him and and outof the hot car, trying to feed him, trying to keep him entertained until Adam came home in the evening just had me feeling down. It was too hot. Being at home was like being in a campground. Now a very noisy campground with that generator going.

We sent Adam off to work and I loaded Liam into the car and headed off to whatever mall had power. Before I got out of our subdivision, my cell phone rang. It was my mom. She had electricity. Come on over; she and my aunt and grandpa were going out to breakfast, so come along. I burst into tears on the phone. I was only a minute from my mom’s house, so I was still red-eyed and puffy when I got there. We went to IHOP. Then we went back to my mom’s and I put Liam down for a VERY MUCH NEEDED nap. I left to go back home to pack clothes and toiletries and toys. So sooner had I gotten in the house than the sky turned BLACK and rain started pouring. The wind picked up and everything outside bent over. HUGE branches were flying around. Something hit the house. I went about with a flashlight, packing as much stuff as I could. I called my mom and left a message saying I’d come back after the storm blew over. I opened the door to get a look outside and our yard was trashed. (I’ll post the pictures I took when my power is on at home and I can upload them).

While it was still raining, but not storming, I threw the stuff into my car and went back to my mom’s. By the time I got there, it had stopped raining. “Tell me you still have power,” I said. She just shook her head.

Shit.

We waited for Liam to get up and we packed him up and headed to the Galleria, where we had lunch at the Houlihan’s and then went window shopping. Then we came home. The storm had taken a lot of heat out of the air, but the pavement was steaming everywhere, so it was still humid.

We slept in the basement again to escape the noise of the generator.

SATURDAY: Blessed Relief

I woke up with my hip hurting a little. The concrete floor is losing its appeal. But when I came up stairs, it was actually chilly out. Fantastic! I even put on a sweatshirt and busied myself outside firing up the grill so I could make some coffee. A beautiful, cool morning, marred only by that GODDAM GENERATOR. My next door neighbor also was at his grill getting ready to make coffee. I went over to check out my other neighbor’s tree that had been split in half by lightning and make some chit chat.

The rest of the day was delightful. Temperatures in the low 80s with a great breeze. The generator ran out of gas in the late morning after our neighbor had gone to work and his wife didnt know how to get it started again, so it was quiet as well. Just a pleasant day. We napped. Had lunch. Lazed about some more. Grilled dinner.

SUNDAY: Charity From Mom

By Sunday morning the generator was back on and it was heating up. The weatherman promised low 90s. We vowed to get out of the house for the day. After lunch we went looking for a replacement patio umbrella. However, this time of year there isnt one to be found. I may have to resign myself to going without the rest of the season and buying a new one in the spring. Poop.

Early in the afternoon, my mom called and said she had power. So off we went. Adam and I left Liam there while we went home and packed. We even brought back the brats that were in our cooler.

So now we at least were in air-conditioning. Homeless and living out of a suitcase, but in air-conditioning. We even watched our Netflix delivery that had sadly come in the mail during the week. Curb Your Enthusiasm 1st Season if you’re wondering.

Monday: Sitting On Our Thumbs

So now it’s Monday. Adam and Mom went to work this morning. I ran to the grocery store with Liam to buy our lunch for the day.

He’s napping now. He’s developed a terrible, blistery viral rash that the heat doesnt help. I just want to keep him cool and dry for one day to help it clear up. It doesnt seem to itch him, but I gave him some Benadryl anyhow. I hope he’s passed out for a good long time. He needs the sleep, badly. His regular sleep has been fitful and his napping is all off track, so he’s just fried.

I’m getting our laundry done and posting this here thing. So yeah, it sucks to be imposing on my mom and sleeping on a 50-year-old sofabed, but it could be worse. There’s air conditioning, food, television, computer. I guess we’ll be here until our power is back on.

I’ll go over every once in awhile today to check, but I wont get my hopes up. I really think we’re going to be pretty much last. The wires in the immediate power box that supplies our house are disconnected, so that is probably some of the power company’s detail work that just isnt a priority right now.

Later tonight we’re going to grill some pork steaks for dinner. I’ll add on to this as it goes on, but the worst is over, unless you include recleaning the stink out of my fridge.

Today when I left Liam at the sitter’s, he didn’t cry.

Last night Liam was looking out our back door and noticed there was a fly buzzing around near him. He started trying to touch it, and the fly always got away from him. You know how flies are. So he’s standing there grinning, following the fly around with his pointer finger. I chuckled a little and said, “That fly isnt going to let you get him!” Finally the fly landed and then slowly, with his chubby little baby hand, he picked up the fly between his thumb and forefinger, turned around and showed it to me.

Can you believe that?

Hey there! How was your Fourth of July? Ours was great. Had a lot of fun! Monday night we went to Alton to see the fireworks over the Mississippi with my Dad. We found a great spot on Christian Hill and Liam enjoyed the show. I was worried it might scare him, but we werent particularly close up, so it wasnt loud. Mostly our problem with him was keeping him occupied for the two hours we had to wait for the fireworks to start. We walked around with him and had a steady supply of toys, Teddy Grahams and water.

Then last night we went to the Florissant fireworks with my mom’s side of the family, which is what we usually do. This time we were closer up to the action and it was MUCH louder, but Liam LOVED it. Spent a lot of time clapping and running around, which I could have lived without. You dont need your toddler running off in the dark on a crowded field.

When has an audience, it turns into The Liam Show. I mean, he hams it up big time. So he had to act like a maniac the whole night. Trying to run off, climbing on every conceivable lap. Making faces at people. Both nights he went to bed around 11 p.m. Tonight’s bedtime should be verrrrrrrrry interesting. I will probably make him skip his afternoon nap today.

Well thats it. Oh, by the way, last night I used a mosquito spray with 98% DEET and I’m pleased to report I suffered not one bite.