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A-HA! I have completed my transformation from merely dorky to full-nerd status by completing what is widely considered in the nerd canon to be THE definitive piece of nerd-lit: The Lord Of The Rings. Now, few people know this, but in literary circles, The Lord of The Rings series is commonly referred to by Tolkien’s original title, “Hobbits ‘n Shit”.
Anyway, what a nerdy book. The story was great, I did enjoy reading it, but it’s full of big-time nerd hits like elves and dwarves and wizards and giant elephants and swords and magic talismans and whatnot, not to mention all the “Behold!” and “Alas!” and “Lo!” and unnecessarily long descriptives. Or maybe that’s just my inner journalist screaming, “Get ON with it already! WHERE WHEN WHY HOW, is it SO hard?”
A typical passage reads something along these lines, “And lo! The blade of Aragorn, which Once was Broken But Now Was Reforged shone forth with the blaze of a thousand suns and behold, score upon score of orc-necks where hewn from their bodies and at the mighty blast of The Great War-Horn of Minas Plus Division, which was crafted under the Black Mountains of Terrible Horrible Doom at the end of the Second Age, the remaining host of Sauron fled into the blackness, their fate never to be known to man. Or half-man. Or Elf. Or anyone else, for that matter.”
Well, that’s all I have to say about that and all you LOTR purists who are “trolling” (get it? ha ha!) around here can save your hate mail, because I know EVERYONE knows that the great war horn was ACTUALLY crafted between the First and Second Ages. It’s called creative license, Prom King.
