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If you’ve noticed a change in the tides or phases of the moon lately … it’s me. Sorry about that. I have developed a significant gravitational pull and several small satellites now orbit around me. I also have a decent-sized colony of tiny, parasitic fish that swim near me wherever I go, cleaning off barnacles and algae.
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You wanna hear something totally gross?
I can feel the baby’s shoulders digging into my hip bones when I sit down. It’s so disgusting. They feel all round and pointy at the same time.
When you’re pregnant, your doctor measures the size of your belly from the top of your uterus to the bottom in centimeters to determine whether the baby is growing at an approriate rate. The number of centimeters corresponds roughly with the number of weeks you are pregnant. For instance, if you are 34 weeks pregnant, then your belly should measure about 34 centimeters.
I’m 37 weeks pregnant (I prefer to say, “In my 38th week,” because it sounds further along) and yesterday my belly measured SMALLER than it did last week because the baby is so far down and to the back. My docor said his head is “on the launching pad,” by which she must mean my bladder. He’s all kneading on my organs and sticking his bony little shoulders into my pelvis. Blech. I’m going to go lie down now, so my belly is sideways on the bed, and not cramming up my innards.
12 days, y’all. Recognize.
